The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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