If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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