whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish you could order shots online.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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