You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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