I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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