HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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