soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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