just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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