anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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