before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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