Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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