is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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