so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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