my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize