I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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