No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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