i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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