I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize