Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize