In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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