Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm at about main and main street
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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