I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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