too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize