I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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