And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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