I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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