My liver just broke up with me...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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