I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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