I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize