i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
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life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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