The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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