Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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