i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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