she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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