I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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