So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were destined to go to rehab together
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize