We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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