There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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