I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize