Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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