Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
be right there i have to get my cape
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize