On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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