College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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