I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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