We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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