i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize