It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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