I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize