Sry I called you an 8
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize