Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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